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1.
I watched
through six inches
of window, as the last
autumn leaf stretched, spun, and drifted
downwards.

2.
The door
swung wide open,
wet drunk on its hinges,
and you swept in – bringing winter
with you.

3.
You have
always been my
plague; a black nest of storm,
dragging a throng of reluctant
thunder.

4.
I swore
in the half-light
that I felt a tremor,
(though your touch was as light as a
feather).

5.
The wind
howled tooth and bone
around your peaked shoulders –
through biting hail, I watched the door
slam shut.

6.
My hands
were numb, and I
dropped my glass. Somehow, I
knew, your breathless season turned it
to ice.

7.
You loped
like a white hound
to the bar; when you poured
one on the rocks, I couldn’t stop
my laugh.

8.
I’d swear
(on the moonlight)
that I felt a tremor;
but your touch was as light as the
weather.
©2007-2009 ~Inordinate
:iconinordinate:

Author's Comments

Dated 22nd of March, 2007. Delayed because it was part of my uni assessment, and I wasn't sure to what extent dA counts as ' publication'.

The stanza form is the cinquain, or, well, a variation on the original cinquain form, which was invented by one Adelaide Crapsey. Syllable structure of 2-4-6-8-2.

Enjoy!

Edit, 12th November 07: My humblest, heartiest thanks to ^PoeticWar, and to everyone who has taken the time out to comment and :+fav:. It is all deeply appreciated, and I'm glad you liked the poem.

Daily Deviation

Given 2007-11-11

Crow by ~Inordinate. After Ted Hughes, it's notoriously difficult to write a poem involving crows. Despite that, parts of Inordinate's 'Crow' are very engaging and fresh, and the form is well-handled throughout. (Featured by `PoeticWar)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconotterhare:
my god, this is gorgeous.
your language is subtly powerful, especially like a white hound and The wind / howled tooth and bone / around your peaked shoulders. i am in love with 2 and 3, but really, all of this is amazing. :heart: :heart: :heart:
:iconinordinate:
:) Thankyou very very much!

--
Sold Under Sin
:iconkillthemouse:
I guess I kinda like this. The repetition of stanzas 4 & 8 is good.. got me to read it again and make sense of it.
:iconkillthemouse:
Also, Deviantart has a billion different options for viewing text now?!
:iconinordinate:
Yeah, it's totally crazy. I went with the novel black background until it started hurting my eyes, so now I opt for small Times New Roman on the normal bg.

--
Sold Under Sin
:iconlaemeur:
This is a very nice bit of language, here. I've never seen that particular form before, but I'm not really a follower of poetry. Still, I knows gud wurds when I seez um.

;)
:iconinordinate:
Yeah, it's a bit obscure. Thanks, man! Much appreciated.

--
Sold Under Sin
:iconthatxgirlxpossessed:
Fucking brilliant.

"3.
You have
always been my
plague; a black nest of storm,
dragging a throng of reluctant
thunder."

just ... brilliant. this definitely deserved a DD!!

--
If I ever saw a ghost it'd change the way I think
I wouldn't gasp for air if ever I did sink
I wouldn't struggle, I'd just let it all out fast,
And then start living in the past
:iconbustikit:
i really like numbers 2 and 3, they are really beautiful

Details

July 25, 2007
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